The Last of the New Girl?
by kat69d
Summary: third part of the series....it's darker than the other two so be warned...rated M for the semigraphic descriptions...Not sure if there will be more...


_Note: I do not own 'Gossip Girl' but do own my character. I haven't read the books yet so it's more focused on the TV show. The stuff in bold is Gossip Girl's commentary. Enjoy!_

* * *

"Oh, my God. Blair, did you know that Mikayla tried to kill herself? Gossip Girl really has out done herself this time," Kati said.

Blair raised an eyebrow and continued to flip through her copy of _Vogue_. She could really care less about Mikayla Duke as long as she wasn't with Nate. Blair still loved him even after what he said. She didn't want to tell Kati and Isabel but she was trying to think of a way to get him back.

In his suite, Chuck opened his phone after it rang, indicating a new text. He read the message and grabbed his scarf. He stormed out of his suite and called for a limo to meet him out front. He had somewhere to go and he needed to be there 10 minutes ago.

Nate was on a run with his father, trying to ignore what he was saying. He was going on and on about Dartmouth. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket but ignored it. He knew how much his father hated it when he interrupted him by answering a call.

"Nate, get your head out of the clouds and realize that your mother and I are doing what's best for you."

"Whatever," he muttered.

Mikayla was sitting on her couch, reading a Jonathan Kellerman novel. She liked the psychological twists and thought of it as research for her dream career. She wanted to help others, who went through what she had gone through. Her cell phone rang so she answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mikayla. It's Serena. I hope I'm not bothering you."

"Not really. Just reading. What can I do for you?" she asked, closing her book.

"My brother, Erik, would like to talk to you but he hasn't been released yet from the Ostroff Institute. Could you come down?"

"Sure. I'll have a car pick me up and be there as soon as I can."

Mikayla got off the phone with Serena and called the car service. One perk of her dad's job was that she was able to use their car service and not have to rely on cabs. They told her a car should be there in 15 minutes. She continued to read.

"Mikayla, why didn't you tell me?" Chuck demanded, as he stormed into her room.

"What the fuck are you doing here? I thought I told you I didn't want to see you again."

"Why did I have to read about it on Gossip Girl?"

"Read what on Gossip Girl? You know I don't read that shit."

"Your suicide attempt. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Like our relationship was ever about conversation. It was about sex and drugs. Besides, does it really matter? It was way before I came here and has nothing to do with you. I have somewhere to be so now leave."

She got up and shoved past Chuck. He grabbed her arm and forced her around to face him.

"I'll deny this if you ever breathe a word of it to anyone else. I have feelings for you. I don't like to know that you were ever that fragile."

"So I hit a rough spot in my life. It's over and I'm not going to break. Now, if you excuse me, my car should be downstairs."

Mikayla pulled her arm away from Chuck and left the townhouse. She told the driver where to go and sat back. She pulled out her cell and checked out the Gossip Girl site. Subconsciously, her scar began to itch. She rubbed it and the driver pulled up in front of the Ostroff Institute. Serena and Dan were waiting outside for her.

"Hey, Mikayla. Thanks for coming."

"No prob. Now let's get this party started."

Mikayla, Serena, and Dan went inside and up to Erik's room. Dan's sister, Jenny, was inside playing cards with a young boy, who looked like Serena. Serena made the introductions and everyone took a seat. Mikayla's cell rang but she ignored it.

"My sister told me that you were once where I am."

"I was. I used a razor blade to slice through the skin, muscle, and nicked the cephalic vein. The doctors estimated that when my housekeeper found me, I had lost over 50 of my blood supply. I ended up staying in an institution for almost a year. I wouldn't talk about why it happened and even horded my pills. I wasn't going to use them to overdose or anything; I just hated the way they made me feel. A nurse found them and I was put on 24 hour suicide watch for weeks. A nurse watched and accompanied me everywhere. I finally began to talk about it and went through everything they threw at me: the individual therapy, the group therapy, switching from one drug to another drug, everything. Then one day, the psychiatrists decided that I was well enough to be released. It was the same day I stopped taking the pills. The side effects were worse than the depression."

"Why did you do it?" Jenny asked, meekly.

"My mom died when I was 3 and my dad was always busy with work. When he missed my 13th birthday, I cried and turned to cutting to deal. When he missed my 14th birthday, I cut myself and turned to alcohol and drugs. When he missed my 15th birthday, I went on a bender and got so drunk and stoned that when I finally came out of it it was 3 days later and I have no recollection of what happened.

"A couple of months later, I met this guy. He became everything in my life. I stopped drinking, doing drugs, and cutting because he wasn't into that. I was so in love with him and spending all my free time with him. Three months into our relationship, I told him that I was ready to sleep with him. Our night together was amazing but I won't go into details. He broke up with me the next morning, saying he only dated virgins to be their firsts.

"I got it into my head that no man wanted me. My dad was never around and when he was, he didn't act like a father to me. Seth didn't want me because I was damaged goods in his eyes. So I went to my dad's study, drank the 2 large bottles of vodka he had in his bar, and slit my wrist. I wanted him to be the one to find me but he had called to let me know he was going away on another trip and the housekeeper was trying to find me to tell me."

Mikayla looked around the room and saw the sadness in everyone's eyes. Her cell rang again so she turned off the ringer.

"Then why do you act the way you do?" Dan asked.

"It's my personal way of dealing. I still drink and smoke the occasional joint but don't do anything harder than that. Some may say I sleep around to fill the void that I have from the rejection of my dad and Seth but it's because I like sex. When I start to feel depressed, I do something I love. I might throw a party or find a guy for a one night stand. The happiness I get from that usually alleviates the feelings of depression.

"Recovering and then dealing with the stigma of being a suicide attempt can get difficult. People will always look at you with pity in their eyes and will want to coddle you. You may never contemplate suicide again or you may hit some rough spots and think about it. I know I have but have never gone through with it. Having a great and close support group, like you do, will help."

Erik looked at his sister and then at Jenny. He smiled at her and Mikayla could tell that he liked her. She knew he wasn't going to do it again.

"Do people still look at you differently now?" Erik asked.

"Not when they didn't know. It seems someone overheard us talk earlier and leaked it to Gossip Girl. Right before I came, Chuck stormed into my room all worried about me. He wanted to know why I hid it from him. I'm an open book; I don't hide anything from anyone. He just didn't ask or notice."

Mikayla's cell buzzed in her pocket so she excused herself. If it wasn't Chuck calling, it was Nate. Both left messages saying they wanted to see her. She smiled and went back into Erik's room.

"It seems there's two guys who want to talk. One who never wanted to talk before and the other who talks a lot already. If you still have questions or just want to talk, give me a call. Good luck and remember that you know yourself best and if you think leaving here would be better for you, demand it. Or if you want to do it drug free. I didn't and that's why I stayed locked up for a year."

"Thanks, Mikayla."

She waved and left. Standing outside the Ostroff Institute, she sent the same text to Chuck and Nate, telling them to meet her at the townhouse in half an hour. Rather than calling the car service, she hailed a cab. She wasn't ready to face them so she stopped off and got ice cream.

Chuck was still at her townhouse when he received Mikayla's text. He had made himself comfortable in her room and was watching the videos they made together which Mikayla had yet to destroy. She was surprised to see him lounging on her bed.

"You've never acted depressed. You were always so happy," he said, pointing at the screen.

"I have been. I worked out most of my issues before I got here."

The doorbell rang and Mikayla went to answer it. Nate was standing there, still in his running clothes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't have time to head home and change before coming over."

"No problem. Come on in."

**C was seen storming into M's townhouse but he never came out, even after M left. What did he do while she was at the Ostroff Institute with S and D? Trying to find her diary to find out why she tried to kill herself? Why was N seen ditching his father in the Park and heading over to M's? I would love to be a fly on the wall in her room.  
**

Mikayla told Chuck and Nate the same stuff that she had told to the others. Chuck was smiling on the inside, thinking their 'relationship' was keeping Mikayla from going nuts again. Nate was sorry for her. He thought he had it bad with the pressure from his parents but maybe having no parents was worse.

"I didn't bring it up because it's not something you want to tell people who you've just met. I've never hidden the scar except for the tattoo that's around it. Chuck, if you had ever been on the giving end, instead of the receiving end, you would have noticed the numerous scars below my belly button."

Chuck looked baffled. He's seen her naked numerous times but couldn't recall the scars. Mikayla looked at Chuck and Nate. He hadn't seen them either and they're not deep enough that they feel differently than normal skin. She shook her head and undid her pants. She pulled them down a couple of inches and that's when both boys noticed them. The three fresh cuts helped.

"I thought life here would be different than Toronto. I thought by confiding in Serena for her brother's sake would be OK. Now because of Gossip Girl and her website, everyone knows. I can deal with the whispering and the stares but I thought I was finally over that.

"You wanted to know why and now you do so please leave me be. I'll see you in school tomorrow," she said, doing up her pants.

Nate looked over at Chuck and stood. Chuck was looking at the floor when his best friend tapped him on the shoulder. He finally stood and looked at the girl he thought he cared for.

"Don't. I don't want to hear any of it. I'm fine."

Chuck and Nate left the townhouse and headed back to the hotel. Both were somber and didn't know what to say to each other.

**M must have dropped one hell of a bomb because when C and N left the townhouse they looked depressed. How ironic! Minutes after the boys left, M was spotted leaving her townhouse all dressed up. Ten minutes later, she was seen going into the Lollipop nightclub. An hour later, M and an unidentified hunk exited the nightclub and stumbled all the way to the Regency Hotel. What happened to M? And why is she jumping from C to N to a new guy? You know, I'll find out sooner or later. XOXO Gossip Girl**


End file.
